24 feb 2008

Sunday afternoon, post all-nighter at the Beat. These nights always take a lot out of me but last night was particularly draining for some reason. And not because I danced a lot, or because I worked a lot, neither of which I did. Not sure exactly what it was, except to say that sociability isn't a natural state for me and perhaps I've been putting myself in these situations a bit too heavily lately. I recall a line from 32 Short Films about Glenn Gould where Glenn talks about a certain ratio where for every x amount of time spent in the company of others there is a corresponding y amount of time that is necessary away from people. I think this is very true, and that this ratio is different from person to person. For me I think the y is particularly high. This is not to say I don't value the time I spend with these people who I have come to regard as good friends and compatriots following the common compulsion of tango. But there are times when the feeling of community and camaraderie, warm and inviting as it is, can start to make me feel hollowed out and empty for some reason. So today, though it is usually a practice day, I decided to refrain to kind of gather my energies.

Considering the all-nighter, though I heard comments from some who seemed to think the attendance was light I felt we had a pretty good crowd and good energy. It was great to see friends who I hadn't seen in a while because they were away in Oregon or other places, and some faces who were new to me but who others seemed familiar with, some very nice dancers from other communities who were passing through. The few dances I had were pretty rocky and rote (on my end), just one of those nights. Also--though Rina is a fine and experienced dj--I just couldn't really get into the music for some reason. Something about the flow that I couldn't tap any energy from. Maybe part of it was because the tandas I liked always seemed to play when I was doing door duty. I think there was just a lot of stuff that I am not terribly familiar with and I just need to collect more and listen more. There are still plenty of orchestras and plenty of music I need to mine for the distinct voices and modes of expression. For example, Tanturi is an orchestra that I haven't had much opportunity to explore in depth and am presently looking to study, as I have yet to find a signature in his music that moves me.

Anyway, as the sun sinks on this gray Sunday I ponder how I will spend my evening. Don't want to stay home, don't much want to go out, either.